


Academic Feud for Thought

by Syrena_of_the_lake



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 21:53:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16457750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syrena_of_the_lake/pseuds/Syrena_of_the_lake
Summary: People who say academic journals are boring have never read Narnian letters to the editor.





	Academic Feud for Thought

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Adaese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adaese/gifts), [Snacky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snacky/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Behind the scenes of A Visit to the Museum, or there's no feud like an academic feud](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16450175) by [Adaese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adaese/pseuds/Adaese). 



> Adaese, this one is your fault — for providing such delightful inspiration! Yours too, Snacky, for starting it all with your wonderful museum.

**Journal of Narnian Archaeology, Issue CXXVIII, p10**

**Letters to the Editor**

Madam,

Dr Binorian of the Glasswater Institute of Classical Studies is quite right in his assertation that personal prejudices should not cloud an academically-informed view of history. Given that, it is interesting that the good doctor should take such umbrage on behalf of a mytho-historical personage whose very existence he casts into doubt. 

While the provenance of many “artifacts” supposedly belonging to Mr. Tumnus is suspect (I draw the reader’s attention to the controversy over Queen Lucy’s “miraculously” preserved handkerchief), Ortellius’s recent archaeological investigations are scientifically sound per the methodology established by Sir Eustace the Undragoned. This reader respectfully suggests that armchair archaelogists keep to their own areas of expertise.

Dr. Hephaestes Burrfoot

Director, Beruna Historical Society

 

This letter is to the professor who thinks Fauns shouldn’t be fond of vulgarity and lewdness. Has he ever even met a Faun? Pan would laugh his horns off. Maybe the professor thinks Tumnus wasn’t a proper Faun. Besides, what’s so wrong with a Faun being a Faun? In my day, Fauns and Satyrs and Nymphs and Dryads did what they [...] pleased and everyone else minded their own business. So what if Tumnus liked to [frolic]? Maybe Dr Binorian should try it before he knocks it.

Bole [the Faun] of Beruna

P.S. None of this “Mister” nonsense, my granddaughter says that’s a human sociological construct. I say it’s a bunch of [redacted].

[Editor’s note: Entry has been edited for clarity and civil discourse.]

* * *

**Journal of Narnian Archaeology, Issue CXXIX, p8**

**Letters to the Editor**

I’ll give you civil discourse, you stuffed up excuse for a [...]. And I’m a Satyr, not a Faun. Get your goats straight.

Bole the SATYR of Beruna

[Editor’s note: Entry has been edited in accordance with this publication’s standards.]

 

Dear Sirs, Madams and Gentlebeasts:

My brothers, my sister and I are writing today to address several gross misconceptions on the part of several learned colleagues.

First: The cave discovered by Orellius in Lantern Waste was indeed the residence of Tumnus the Faun, according to the recently rediscovered “lost” Royal Archives. See 1004 Royal Census, section XII, subsection C, paragraph 42, item vii: An Accounting of Narnian Fauns and their Geneology from Father Pan through the Witch’s Winter. 

Second: The kettle found therein may well be one of Tumnus’s, but it would be impossible to tell whether it was the one he famously set for Queen Lucy, as he received many such gifts through the course of his diplomatic duties on behalf of Cair Paravel (see Royal Archives, Diplomatic Gifts, section II, Calormene ambassadors, 1001—1020). Tumnus was by all accounts very fond of his tea. 

Third: Also by all accounts, he was very fond of his nymphs. See Royal Archives, Art Acquisitions, Golden Age. Titles: [redacted], [redacted], and Narnian Pollination Rites, purchased by Tumnus the Faun for the Ambassador’s private residence.

Fourth: Point Three notwithstanding, the belt buckle with the nymph motif was most likely a “gag” gift. We have it on good authority that jokes did exist back then, although they were not typically documented in the Royal Archives.

If certain readers are dissatisfied with the conclusions drawn herein and the further conclusions suggested by them, We [sic] respectfully suggest following the advice once given Us [sic] by a dear friend: we might all try minding our own business. 

Kindest regards,

Lucy P., formerly of the city of War Drobe

* * *

**Journal of Narnian Archaeology, Issue CXXX, p3**

**From the Editor’s Desk**

While this publication enjoys a spirited debate, recent events dictate a more stringent adherence to the Journal’s guidelines for style, substance and, yes, civil discourse. Members of the public wishing to submit letters to the editor can consult the Journal’s guidelines via the Narnian Web or on file at your local library. The Journal retains sole discretion over which letters are published and over any edits, redactions, or clarifications deemed necessary.

We look forward to our next issue, which wil be a special edition on the Pevensie reign. Segments include _Reification vs. Reincarnation: The Four Reborn?_ ; a discussion between experts on historical fact and fiction in Narnia’s Golden Age;  _The Once and Future Kings and Queens: a study of the cave paintings in Aslan’s How_ ; an interview with a geneticist and a group of so-called Pevensie Descendants; and a cutting-edge alchemical analysis of the Lightbringer Torch said to belong to King Edmund the Just. 

As always, a special thanks to our regular subscribers. In celebration of this anniversary issue, the Journal is issuing a limited number of commemorative memorabilia. Journal subscribers and members of the Narnia-Archenland Archaeological Society may fill out and submit the enclosed form to receive the item of their choice, subject to availability. As of the printing of this issue, available items include knives, spoons, plates, and medallions. We regret that the anniversary-edition belt buckles are no longer available due to an unforeseen increase in demand.


End file.
